24/7 Hammering

I endure hammering of my brain through voice and image torture 24/7 for several months. When I was working at QBE, what lasted for about 3 years, and I stopped working there because the marginal said they were going to 'take the plunge' inside of my head if I didn't stop working, they tortured me only outside work hours, so that I could have at least 8 hours of break per day on the torture.

The effects of such a thing are that you slow down in all you do, since you have to put enormous amount of energy to do a small task, you feel as if your brain is becoming tender, so as if it is tender meat, you get confused, and highly confused sometimes, you have difficulties with watching anything, reading and so on, so that you have to return to the same point of the movie several times or the same height of the reading, you feel odd, therefore you withdraw from society, you feel attacked, so that you feel as if you are a lesser and you should make much more effort than everyone else to keep friends, be served and so on, you experience moments of careless movement or actions, so things such as crossing a street without paying attention to the lights or respecting them, therefore you are under higher risk of being run into and so on. Lots of times, it creates the feeling of disorientation when browsing or writing or doing something: you get distracted, the brain forgets what you have just thought and so on.

At this stage, I perceive as top violence the presence of any image or voice in my head that is not Tom's, specially those of women, since I never felt comfortable with women in my intimacy, regardless of who they are. A few times I had naked women in my head (horror of that) and a couple of times they put the smell of their vaginas in my nose: that was really traumatizing. I learned however that I can do something about it, like beyond telling people to leave, as I do all the time, like I tell them to please hear or watch, so stay around, but please not show up in image or voice unless they need to ask or tell me something relevant for my salvation: I 'construct' an image of a tool of violence and return the violence to them by making extraordinary effort, which makes my eyes blink multiple times, my eyes and forehead contract in a strong way, my brain feel a punch and a pull in different places and my head move up and down in a violent manner. That also hurts, like physical hurt.

When I can, I reproduce the image of Tom that I most like in my head, in a way to cover the image of the violators/aggressors, usually women, white, so that I put his image or its 'blackened version' (they manage to destroy the image 'in the make' and they then make his face appear in dark color and changed). His doubles help a lot in those regards. Sometimes I watch his movies and they show up, so that I feel more together with him those times and that also produces relief. The most aggressive however have even cut the image, when I manage to form it, with a knife a few times. I then stop doing that because I think that is generating hate for him or may mean they will injure him physically.

When I manage to impose my 'head building' of his image and it appears on the front of my head, so of the 'stage' they 'built' inside, which is rarest thing, that produces immense relief. When the women don't torture on top of the men, that also produces relief. When I am thinking of songs, or listening to them, and the men sing in my head with me, that also produces relief. It is really hard.

Sometimes they 'catch' me into traps of rhetoric, like they seem to be listening and asking for guidance. In those moments, I believe they might help or save me, become my friends, join 'our team', so that I make extraordinary effort, lots of times when I should be resting/sleeping, concentrate, think, and offer them guidance through the Holy Ghost. I have had the idea of putting them to pray, since I am sure they are satanic and therefore have demons in their bodies, so that I also prayed with them a few times, since they repeat what I think. Yet that really hasn't worked so far: at most their spirits calmed down a little, so attack a bit less. The other day I tried an exorcism rite I found online, a second one (https://www.catholic.org/prayers/prayer.php?p=683), since I kept on asking Sid Roth and David (St Paul's, manager of music) to run a collective exorcism or find someone who specializes in that, can do it, in/through my head, since we are then able to reach everyone who is attacking with image or voice, but they never did that. I tried to run this exorcism (the last one) on Whoopi Goldberg, since she appeared represented in my head by her double or multiple and I noticed severe change in her body image between Ghost and the TV Show I envisaged for her on TV, where she would give her opinions on diverse topics and present together with other women (I also imagined that for Brazil and they then created De Saia Justa, there with Rita Lee being my choice of lead). Her body image seems to be a result of demoniac possession, which is confirmed by her not saving me, not finding a way of making cariocas put all their crimes in the printed press instead of simply passing the ball to the USA for them to run exclusively Forever Young or not finding a way of removing the people from Rio who are attacking me in voice and image so that we can progress to 'that part of the story', that is, Forever Young. We then need to record the Edmandos somehow, as said many times, like before we get rid of them. I then did the entire thing up to the point where the demon has to give a sign telling me the time and date of his exit from her body, since the demon did not manifest himself, so unfortunately either I don't know how to do it or the rites I had access to don't work. They do become less aggressive in their torture for a time, though, after the rite.